living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
