last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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