i permit you to call me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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