I met the friendliest cop last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
where are my eyebrows?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
