so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
