Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
