yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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