Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I enjoy the company of your penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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