i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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