Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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