I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
