I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
