We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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