This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
