you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
