i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
