it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
