so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
