I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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