he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
