I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have aggressive nipples.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
