Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
