Duck Duck Cougar?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
