Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
