separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
