Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
