Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
