well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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