My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
