I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
