I've blown a few things in my day
love makes seman taste better
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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