I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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