the new term for farting is butt boxing.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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