i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
