woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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