I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
