I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
