Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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