Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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