dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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