when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's just like the Real World with babies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
