put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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