Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
