I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
