so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
