So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
