just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
