It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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