How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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