I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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