You just made me feel so damn special
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
