no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
