miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
