She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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