Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize