who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
