New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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