im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
