did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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