A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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