toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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