i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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