My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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