Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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