i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
